If you’re struggling to get along with your mother in law, you’re not alone. Mother/ daughter in law relationships are notorious for strife. While it can be tough to mend a broken or cracked relationship with your mother in law, it’s far from impossible. Let’s take a look at some tips and tricks that can help you and your mother in law get to a healthy, happy place in your relationship.
Ask yourself – will this matter a year from now?
When you’re in a place where you’re primed for a fight with your mother in law each time you speak, it can be easy to become defensive and go against everything that comes out of her mouth. While this is natural if you’ve been treated poorly in the past, the first step toward mending your relationship may involve you being the more mature party by initiating a cease-fire. When you have the urge to argue or speak against your mother in law, ask yourself if the issue will matter a year from now. If the answer is yes, then by all means, speak up. If the answer is no, bite your tongue, and then pat yourself on the back for taking the first step toward repairing the relationship.
If you need to apologize, be the first to speak.
Stubbornness causes many relationships to fail. If you feel you need to apologize to your mother in law for something, do so, and don’t expect anything in return. By apologizing for your part in the troubled relationship, you’re opening the door to getting things back on track. Even if your mother in law doesn’t return with an apology right away, know that you’ve sparked the wheels in her mind to start turning – helping her to see that you’re ready and willing to work to repair the relationship. The burden is now on her to choose whether she’d like to participate in working with you to create a solid family unit.
Include her in family activities.
We get it – if you’ve had tumultuous times with your mother in law in the past, the last thing that you want to do is have her over for Easter dinner. Excluding your mother in law from family celebrations makes your partner stressed, and can cause bridges to continue to burn. Extend the olive branch by inviting your mother in law to family celebrations. If ground rules need to be set, asking your partner to have that conversation can take some of the stress off of you. You don’t have to go on family vacations together, but spending time together as an extended family can help her feel valued and appreciated.
Set ground rules – and ask your partner to communicate them.
If your mother in law has a tendency to barge into your house uninvited or tries to meddle in your relationship, it’s time to put a stop to it. Asking your partner to communicate these boundaries with your mother in law can be a great first step to establishing what is and is not acceptable. Talk with your partner about how these ground rules will be communicated. It’s essential that your partner presents a united front, and does not blame the new ground rules on you, or say that they’re supposed to relay the rules to your in-laws.
In Summary
No matter how rocky a start your relationship with your mother in law may have gotten off to, there’s always time to make it right. Whether it’s been months or years since you’ve been on good terms, you have the power to be the more mature party and step up to the plate to mend the relationship. While fixing a broken relationship takes two, you’re showing your partner and their family your moral character when you make the first move to put a broken relationship back together.